A Day in the Life: Summer 2018

Now that's school's out for a few months, my regular work schedule has been upset just a bit--and it wasn't that great to begin with. I used to drop the kids off at school around 8:50, and then work until it was time to pick them up around 11:15--2 whole hours. But those days are gone. 

So I thought you might like a peek at my current daily schedule (and I use the term schedule loosely):

6a: Husband gets up for work. I am now half-awake, but refuse to move. (One of my meds causes night sweats and weird dreams, so my sleep is . . . not great.)

6:30: Child 1 wakes up and starts singing, reciting books and otherwise making a lot of noise for no apparent reason.

6:40: Child 2 is now awake, but since he's as-yet non-verbal, he's considerably quieter. Unless we take too long to get him up, at which point he lays on his back in bed and kicks the wall. 

6:50: Bring both children to my bed so I can laze around half-asleep while they play iPad for a bit. Husband leaves for work.

7:15: Get up, put contacts in, shower, dress, attempt to work for about 30 minutes while children run into my studio approximately every 45 seconds with a "problem": the cat isn't being friendly, the iPad game is too hard, they're dying of dehydration, one child wants to trade iPads and the other is refusing even though they have literally the EXACT. SAME. GAMES. on them.

8: Breakfast. Get food ready for the kids. By the time I get food ready for myself, both children have finished eating and will spend the duration of my breakfast time asking me questions while I say "not right now, mommy's eating" over and over and over again.

8:30: Watch Elmo's Potty Time because we're trying to potty train Child 2. Child 1 recites his favorite bits at an increasing volume while asking questions like "does Elmo have a penis?"

9: Dress children. Remind Child 1 that he is 5 years old and does not need me to dress him, nor do I need to spot him as he dresses. Change Child 2's pull-up because despite all the Elmo encouragement he is perfectly happy to let me wipe his little booty until he graduates high school, possibly college. 

9:30 Get out of the house. Possibly errands, or go for a walk if it's not too hot yet. 

11: Return home. Try to encourage children to do something educational or creative until lunchtime. Fail. Listen to them chase the cats and fight over toys instead while I start a load of laundry and try to clean up some clutter.

11:45: Start making lunch. Length of time this takes depends on whether or not Child 1 insists on "helping" me. Make same peanut butter on graham crackers the children eat every single day. 

12: Serve children lunch, make my own lunch. Repeat same scenario from breakfast. 

12:30: Consider taking kids to the pool, am exhausted just thinking about it. Play in the backyard instead. Child 2 will happily play in the water table or splashpad for at least an hour. Child 1 will sit on the swing and ask to go inside every 5 minutes, despite repeated efforts to interest him in t-ball, soccer, water table, splashpad, or other toys/games. I will attempt to garden or knit. Push Child 2 on the swing for at least 15 minutes, which may well be the most boring parenting task known to man. If they happen to find a worm to annoy, I'm golden. 

2: Come back inside, change Child 2's clothes because he's sopping wet, or get him dry clothes if he's already stripped in the yard. Why don't I just preemptively remove his clothes or put him in a bathing suit? I don't really know. 

2:15: Take children down to the playroom, which is filled with more toys than I had my entire childhood. Attempt to do chores while they're distracted with toys, but if I leave the room for more than 5 minutes, they come find me, or worse, start screeching for me to return at top volume. On the off chance that I can escape to start any chores, children will immediately start fighting over a single toy despite the abundance of toys in the room.

3: Distribute snacks and put on TV for kids. Naively think I will have the opportunity to knit, work or catch up on chores, but Child 2 insists on sitting in my lap for TV time. I know he won't be this little forever, so I let him and spend an hour watching Thomas the Tank Engine, Peppa Pig, or something else that is slowly rotting my brain, while scrolling Instagram or Twitter.

4: Again attempt to coerce children into doing something educational or creative. Fail again and give up. Offer to play Chutes and Ladders or any other number of games but am rebuffed. Attempt to escape playroom again. Repeat previous reaction to attempts to escape. Lamely sit on the sofa watching children play, periodically breaking up fights, taking children to the bathroom, and knitting about 4 stitches at a time.

5: Husband will be home in 20-30 minutes (traffic willing), so bring the kids up to my bedroom and distract them with the iPads again while I attempt to work for 30 minutes. Children insist on being in my presence (I am REALLY awesome, guys), so they plant themselves on the floor of the studio with iPads, each playing a different game with annoying music. Stop every 5 minutes to restart a game because kids games on iPads are really buggy and constantly freezing up.

5:30: Prepare dinner while husband entertains children. Laugh at the optimistic meal I planned in the morning and toss a pot of water on the stove to boil while I dig through pantry for spaghetti and sauce. Children, of course, will not eat spaghetti because . . . reasons . . . so find some alternate dinner for them.

6: Dinner! Attempt to have adult conversation with husband while Child 1 asks questions like "Where do carrots live?" and "Have all dziadzi's parents died?"

6:20: Dinner is over in less time than it took to make. Half of it is on the floor and the other half gets thrown out because children have suddenly decided they don't like whatever their favorite food yesterday was. Remember how my sister and I ate whatever was served or went to bed hungry. Decide my children would actually starve themselves out of spite.

6:30: YOGA. Finally. Husband takes children to the playroom and I get some (relative) peace and quiet to hang out with my lifesaver Adriene.

7: Squeeze in 20 minutes of work until bath time. 

7:20: Children come up for bath time. Husband gives the kids a bath so there is literally no reason I am needed at this point except that Child 1 will throw a fit unless I am present. I told you I'm awesome. 

7:40: Get kids into PJs, say goodnights, read Child 1 his bedtime stories, sing him a goodnight song and am FINALLY free of children!

8: If I'm not totally exhausted, squeeze in another 30 minutes of work while Child 1 performs a concert from his bed. He is never tired. Husband, thankfully, washes dishes and/or loads dishwasher.

8:30: Collapse on couch. Remember that I attempted to wash clothes in the morning and forgot about them. Get up to rewash them. Return to couch, possibly with a beverage, and place knitting in my lap. Get distracted by Twitter. Finally put phone down and knit.

10: Toss clothes in the dryer and head up to bed. Complete lengthy bedtime routine that seems to longer the older I get: brush, floss, contacts out, eye cream, face cream, hand cream, other useless preservatives designed to fool me into thinking I still look 25. Read as long as I can keep my eyes open, usually about 30 minutes. 

11ish: Attempt to sleep. Husband is snoring. Elbow him. Attempt to sleep again, realize I have to pee. Repeat at intervals throughout the night. 


So, that's how my summer is shaping up. How's summer treating you so far?